12 things no-one admits about being single in their 20's

I'm almost certain these have crossed your mind at some point too. 

1. It can make you feel like you are behind in life.  

There is nothing like the good old life spiral that comes after hanging with people who are happily coupled up and tracking well on society's timeline. Shiny engagement ring, check. House deposit, check. Bun in the oven, check. Meltdown on the drive home about how you have no clue what you are doing with your life, check. Need not stress. Everyone peaks at different times. And there is no such thing as being 'behind' in life. Rather, just at different stages. 

2. Having self-respect can feel really boring. 

Self-respect in dating can look like: 

Not replying to toxic guys who slide back in every few months 

Walking away from someone you really like because they can't give you what you want

Not continuing to see someone that has knowingly told you they are seeing other people 

Not putting up with people who talk trash about your body... to your face

Not dropping everything and running to see a guy when it's only ever on his terms

Not exactly gossip worthy stuff, huh? And it certainly won't make you the most popular person at the table if you have zero wild dating stories to report. But please don't hang out with any old guy just so you feel like you have something to contribute to the conversation. 

Yes, lowering your standards will increase your options. Initially, this might give you an ego boost and false sense of validation. But in the long run, it will only waste your precious time on losers that you knew were not good enough for you from the get go. I know it can start to feel super dry and boring after a while. But keep your standards high, honey. Because we haven't come all this way just to settle for someone average, now, have we?

3. You wonder if you are doing this whole 'wild & single in your 20's' thing right

Not having a bunch of 'wild stories' can also make you feel like you aren't doing the whole single thing right. I blame every movie that I ever watched growing up for this. Steamy elevator rides with office hotties. Guys who travel across the globe to helplessly confess their love for you. A seamless string of adorable guys threaded through your twenties. Either I'm missing something... or this stuff just doesn't seem to happen on a regular basis to your average Joe. 

Again, it baffles me how these dating ideals tend to manifest IRL. You would be surprised by the number of times I have witnessed single girls hang out with below average guys 'just for the cool story they will get out of it' (in their words, not mine). Idk about you, but something about that very sentiment doesn't quite sit right with me. 

4. Casual hook ups with non-committal guys can make you feel like crap. 

 Nuff said. 

5. The advice you get from people in relationships will most likely piss you off.

Stop trying so hard! You will meet someone when you least expect it! Maybe you just need to put yourself out there more! They say, with that slight look of sympathy in their eyes. Idk about you, but being on the receiving end of this kind of advice always make me feel kinda shit and just a tad irritated. It's pretty easy to dish out these statements from the comfort and security of a stable and long-term relationship. Like they have any idea what it feels like to be single and dealing with the dating culture that is 2022. Don't even get me started on when they roll their eyes at my petty (yet totally valid) dilemma about whether or not I should add an exclamation mark or smiley face at the end of a risky text (I'm thinking smiley face hehe). 

6. Online dating can feel tragic at the best of times, and you secretly can't wait to delete the apps for good. 

I have mixed feelings about online dating. You see, on the one hand I think these apps offer a cool way to connect with new people. On the other hand, they can feel superficial and meaningless AF. A place where being flaky and treating people as disposable has become the norm. The graveyard of basic human decency. I'm a romantic at heart, which is most likely why this style of dating does not work for me. 

Sometimes I go through phases of deleting the apps. Which is usually proceeded by me re-downloading them a few months later in a lonely moment. Only to be welcomed by the same old profiles circulating since last time I was active. Between you and me, I secretly can't wait until I vibe with someone IRL and can call it quits on these apps for good. 

7. You wonder if your ex was really all that bad. 

Hold up! I know you guys were cute and all. But there was a reason you broke up. And it's quite likely that your mind is just wandering back to the last person you had legitimate feelings for. 

8. Playing the 'cool girl' can and will drive you cRaZY. 

No worries! All good! I didn't even like him that much anyways! You say, as he blows you off yet again for that date you planned over a week ago. I'm sorry, but I'm just not buying this 'cool girl' facade that you have got going on (trust me, I've been there). Stop nonchalantly shrugging this stuff off like it doesn't phase you (when it so clearly does!!). Full permission to react to crappy behaviour in a non easy-breezy way. 

9. You compare your love life to that of your friends. 

Everyone has a different style when it comes to dating. Some like to go on lots of casual dates just for the fun of it. Others prefer more of a Sat night 'wyd?' drunk meet up. Then there is me: the type who doesn't really care much for casual stuff, would prefer to be sober and usually feels nauseous during those initial getting to know you stages (ask me out for anything other than dinner). 

Self awareness is key here. And if you aren't quite sure which category you fall into, you might need to do a little self reflection to figure it out. That way you won't feel constantly swayed by what your friends are doing (or like some sort of misfit if your dating style is different to theirs).

10. Remaining hopeful is e-x-h-a-u-s-t-i-n-g!

There are only so many times a single gal can be ghosted or slowly faded out until she starts to lose hope in this whole dating thing altogether. More specifically: believing that she will ever meet someone worthy of her time, energy and sweet little heart again. 

I know I might sound a little dramatic, but in my experience this 'losing hope' mentality starts to ring very true with every additional new year or birthday you celebrate on your lonesome. Don't worry - I'm not saying that it feels like this all the time. It definitely peaks and troughs. What I do want you to know is that if you are reading this and can relate, you are certainly not alone in this feeling (and btw - I still have hope for you sista). 

11. You secretly hope your best friend doesn't hit it off too well with the new guy they are seeing. 

Ok, don't judge me... but this thought has definitely crossed my mind before. Not because I don't want my friends to be happy (which they very much deserve to be). But more because I fear it will change the relationship I have with them. There is this kind of camaraderie that exists between single gal pals in their twenties, and I think it is a very real (and common) feeling when we fear that bringing a new guy into the mix will change the dynamic and inevitably create distance. Does this make me a terrible friend? Nope. It just makes me human. 

12. It would be kinda nice to have someone to share stuff with. 

Don't get me wrong, I am all for living my best single life and not sitting around waiting to meet someone before life can officially 'start'. But sometimes, when I give my mind permission to go there, I do find myself thinking that it would be really nice to have someone to share stuff with. There! I said it. Even writing that makes me feel like some desperate single that thinks she needs to find someone to feel #complete. 

And you know what? It's not even the big cliche life events I am referring to here i.e. buying a house, Insta-worthy wedding dates, fur babies. It's the lazy Sunday's with no plans. The trip to the supermarket after a long day at work. The drive across town to pick up that bookshelf I found on marketplace. All the mundane in-between moments that make up life. 

Enjoy the freedom while you can! Use this time to focus on YOU! You are so lucky you don't have to think about anyone else but yourself! Yeah, yeah. I get it. I have heard it all before. But I have also come to realise that I am not weak or needy for admitting this. I can't help but think that deep down, we all crave this kind of companionship to some degree, no matter how carefree and single we may appear on the exterior.