9 things people don't tell you about moving to a new city in your 20's

The first time I moved away from home was when I relocated to live on campus for university a few hours away. The second time was when I moved interstate for my postgrad degree. My third (and current) relocation relates to when I decided to move back home. 

I didn't know what to anticipate on arrival in terms of how I would feel reintegrating into a place I have not called home for the best part of seven years. But I figured that the familiarity would make this my 'easiest' relocation to date. Which, for the most part, isn't innacurate. But I would be lying if I said that it hasn't forced me to face some of those challenging feelings that can bubble up when you uproot your life and start from scratch again. Below is a collection of the lessons I have learnt from changing my home address in my 20's - most of which I am having to lean into again as I find my feet in Hobart. 

To those who has been through a similar experience themselves, read on. You might find this relatable. To those who are currently experiencing this for the first time, consider this your survival guide to navigating what can be the scariest yet best thing you can ever do for yourself in your 20's. 

1. If you haven't taken yourself on a solo date before, you will now. 

I remember in the early days of moving to a new city, I had this big list of things I wanted to do, but no-one to do them with. I'm sure I speak collectively for those who have walked in similar shoes when I say that you end up getting to a point where you have to get over yourself and just go anyway. Regardless of if you have someone to share it with. Solo cafe dates, day trips to seaside beach towns, browsing the local markets. You name it! I've done it alone. At first, I remember it felt a little weird. But honestly, spending time doing things alone has become something I learnt to cherish and even prioritise now. There is this certain vibe that I can only tap into when I am in the presence of my own company. And I love it. If I never moved away, I would have never been forced to appreciate or discover this about myself. 

2. The loneliness can feel palpable. 

Gone are the days when you can lay on your parent's couch, visit your grandparents or catch up with an old school friend. Say hello to weekends with no plans, solo nights in and the hum drum of doing daily errands alone. Spoiler alert: it is going to feel lonely to start off with when you move somewhere new. 

As uncomfy as this can feel, you just gotta learn to sit with it and work through it. Because I hate to break it to you, but there will most likely be plenty more where that came from when you are first settling in and establishing a network. Not because you won't have any friends, but more because there is a longing for deeper connection that you can't quite satisfy when hanging out with people you only met last week. 

3. You won't make new best friends overnight. 

I'd say that this is one of the hardest things about moving to a new city. In the movies, they make it look like you will magically find a new close knit friendship group overnight (Hint: sex and the city). First you have to weed through the people you meet at work/uni/social events to find the ones you actually want to pursue friendships with. Then you have to put in the effort to get to know them. Naturally, this takes time. I remember it took me at least 12 months until I had some form of a regular social network when I moved away from home. Minimum 18 months before I felt like I had started to make connections on a deeper level. By the time I left (close to 4 years) I had made some of the best friendships that I (now) cannot imagine my life without. Hang in there. Be patient. Trust the process. Relish in the honeymoon phase of  getting to know new people. And don't expect them to live up to the friends you just left behind at home (this will only set you up for unrealistic expectations). 

4. Not everyone will understand what are going through, and you can't expect them to. 

There are a whole host of challenges that come with moving to a new city. Not understanding the local lingo. Integrating into existing friend groups. Navigating new suburbs. At times, it can feel downright overwhelming. And if you only ever confide in people who have never left their hometown about this - you may very well end up feeling misunderstood. Why? Because they just won't understand what it feels like. How can they? They have never been through it. This used to leave me feeling like my 'new city life' struggles were invalid. Over time, I learnt to lower my expectations of others and realise that not everyone will (or has to) understand what I am going through. It can be just as validating to acknowledge these feelings on your own. That said...

There is a certain bond that comes with meeting other people that have also spread their wings and ventured away from their home town. It's like there is this unspoken understanding that they kind of just get it. In my experience, these people are also a lot easier to befriend. Reason being that they have no ties to their former life, are a lot more open to new experiences and are actually willing to put in effort to hang out. Promise me that you will take the initiative to make plans and get to know these people. The friendships that can flourish are like no other. 

5. Being out of your comfort zone will become the new norm. 

New friends don't come knocking on your door while you curl up to binge watch your favourite Netflix show in your new humble abode. When you move to a new city you actually have to... wait for it... get out of your comfort zone. I've lost count of the amount of times I have been the new girl in the share house, messaged someone first to initiate plans, or rocked up as a +1 to an event where I hardly knew anyone. 

If you have become accustomed to residing in the confides of your comfort zone prior to making the move, then yeah... this is going to feel a little scary at first. But like anything, it will get easier (and feel less daunting) with time. Let me be the one to give you a little nudge of encouragement. Message that girl you met at yoga. Sign up to that pottery class you want to try. Leave the house as much as you can!

Not only am I no longer intimidated by the idea of getting out of my comfort zone. I actually enjoy it. It allows me to meet new people. Learn new skills. And realise that I am no where near as incapable of 'putting myself out' there as I once thought. 

6. You can be whoever you want to be.  

One of the coolest parts about moving away from home was that it allowed me to recreate my identity and social circles in a way that reflected my current self. No more stale perceptions about who people thought I was based on who I was at school (which was very shy). No more running into old acquaintances. No more boring gossip about people who's lives I don't really care about. No more hanging out with people that deep down I wonder if maybe I had outgrown. 

There is so much more to life than the tiny corner of the world that you grew up in. There is something so liberating about arriving in a new city and being handed a blank new slate. Permission to colour it however you like. This alone is why I think everyone should experience moving to a new city in their life, at least just once! (have I convinced you yet?)

7. You will appreciate your home town in a whole new way.  

Before I moved away from home I used to bang on about how 'lame' and 'boring' I thought Hobart was. Writing that makes me cringe a bit now. It wasn't until moving away that I started to view my home town through a very different (more grateful) lens. There is something about touching down and breathing in that fresh (chilly) Tassie air that I seem to revere more with age. It's the simple things that I appreciate now. The quaint town houses. The quirky cafes. The awe-inspiring landscape. I continue to be amazed by all of the beautiful things my complacent eyes were not capable of appreciating before. 

8. It will expand the geography of your friend network. 

Before I left home I only ever knew people from my city. Now, I have friends in almost every state of Australia. I love that moving away introduced me to people that I otherwise would have never crossed paths with. I feel grateful knowing that I have familiar faces to catch up with and places to stay should I choose to venture around Australia for a getaway. 

9. You are about to learn how resilient and capable you really are. 

Enduring the high's and low's of moving to a new city will instil in you this delightful sense of capability that you can handle whatever life throws at you. All on your own. I faced some pretty tough moments living away from home during the pandemic. Lonely share houses. Quarantining alone. Dealing with change without family support close by. But you know what... I did it. 

Not only did I just get by, but I thrived during this time. To me, life is a constant dance between the dark and light. They exist concurrently. Some of the most challenging phases I went through when l moved away where also some of the most beautiful and rewarding. I will always look back on my move interstate with an incredible sense of awe and adoration of my ability to persevere and live it out that experience wholeheartedly. And while I reminisce on everything that experience taught me, I can only anticipate what this next chapter (and relocation) has in store. Stay tuned.