If you feel insecure taking bikini pictures, read this...

The bikini body photo phobia

I have never liked taking pictures in my bikini. For that reason, I almost didn't post this picture. Why? Because sharing a photo of my body in a bikini freaks me the f*ck out. This was not a picture I planned on taking. In fact, for most of my teenage/adult life - I have made a conscious effort to avoid photos where my body is out on display. 

 

But first, let me set the scene…

This picture was taken last week, on a trip away with a friend at a yoga retreat. As part of our morning ritual during our stay, we would lay down by the river on the property. Soaking up the sun, swimming in the icy water, chatting about life, basking in the serenity. All beautiful memories. All ones I hope to remember. 

 

It's not visible in this picture, but right beside us there was a bridge where cars would frequently pass in and out of the village. As one particularly friendly lady drove past; she stopped the car, wound down her window and asked if we would like our picture taken. She said she loved photography, and that the backdrop of our morning sunbaking sessions was too pretty of a spot to pass up on a photo opportunity. 

 

Flattered by her kind words, we politely accepted her offer. And within a few moments, she had already taken a few happy snaps of us. Following this, the usual post-photoshoot check-in took place: Did I get the angles right? Lighting is good? Want me to take a candid shot? I made sure I took heaps!!! We thanked her for her generosity, and before we knew it, she was on her merry way. 

 

The insecure girls bikini-body photo shoot 101

Now usually if I were to participate in a bikini shot, a lot more thought would go into it. Straight back, stretched stomach, suck it in. Anything to manipulate my most insecure body part: my stomach. Practically bending and twisting my body like a pretzel in the hope to get a bikini shot where I only mildly hate myself. Sad, I know. But very true. 

 

But you know what? I'm glad this picture was taking spontaneously. I'm also glad that I didn't get time to go through my usual ritual of self-preening. I'm glad that my stomach has rolls, I can faintly see my cellulite, I am wearing no makeup, and I look exactly as I did in that very moment. 

 

Because right now, I am at a place where food no longer controls my life. A place where I feel healthy, energised and strong. One where I don't yo-yo between a constant cycle of restricting and bingeing. Where I don’t feel the need to stress about Every. Single. Thing. I put in my mouth. Perhaps most of all, a place where I no longer spiral at the loss of routine and control around food that travelling brings (this was a biggie for me).

 

A place I didn’t used to think was possible. If my younger self met me today, that girl who thought she may never live a day without being in a constant state of worry about calories, weight gain and an imperfect body. That girl: she would be so proud. 

 

When you fear your insecurities, they control you. 

When you own your insecurities, they lose power over you. 

So here it is. My unfiltered stomach. My biggest body insecurity. Out on display for you to see (permission to zoom in).  

 

Excuse the cliché, but practising body acceptance and overcoming a negative body image is a journey. Not a destination that you will someday reach where you never have a negative thought about your body ever again. This is something I cannot stress enough. 

 

Let's get real for a moment

Experiencing a negative body image is something I obviously still struggle with. And to sit here and pretend that this was not the case would be ingenuine of me. My hope for you in reading this is for you to realise that the girls you see online who preach about body positivity, you know, the ones who look like they have it all figured? Yeah, they most likely still experience moments like this as well. It's not always butterflies, rainbows and self-love quotes. Sometimes, it's just plain hard work. 

 

The point of this whole post is for you to realise that this, here, is the very reality of what learning to build a positive relationship with your body really looks like. It’s about having the ability to recognise when your mind starts to go down that familiar path of self loathing. Being able to pause. Rationalise with yourself. And consider new ways of thinking. It's about learning the tools, tips and mindset during the times when you are feeling good about yourself. So you can draw upon them when you feel your mind revert to old unhelpful (and untrue) thinking patterns. 

 

Lastly…

If you are still in that place where you feel stuck. That place where you feel helpless and out of control with food and your body, I want you to know that it doesn't always have to be that way. If you can set the intention that you want to move past it and perhaps consider that there might be another way; I promise you that it can be done. I'm not saying its going to easy. But I can tell you that it is going to be so damn worth it. 

 

Serena x