How my anxiety affects my social life & 5 strategies I use to manage it

How living with anxiety affects my social life
Learning to navigate my anxiety and manage it in the context of social settings that involve alcohol is something that has arisen as a challenge for me in the recent past. To clarify; I am not talking about social anxiety, but rather attending social events on days where I have an underlying feeling of anxiety present. 

The picture I chose to share above is one that was taken only a few months ago on a night out with friends. At a glance, I look like I am having a great time - a picture that would make for the perfect Sunday afternoon Instagram upload to showcase my fun weekend, right? Well, not quite. 

Underneath the surface level of this picture, I was actually struggling with an overwhelming sense of anxiety that night. To unpack that a little further, I had been dealing with a persistent feeling of butterflies in my stomach for the previous five hours; not to mention warding of frequent waves of nausea for no apparent reason. The trigger? To be honest, I can't even put my finger on it. But that's the beauty of anxiety. Sometimes rationally you can tell yourself that everything is just fine, although your body just can't seem to get the message and find a sense of calm. 

This is not the first time this has happened to me. In the past, my anxiety has arisen in many different forms. Currently, unexplained onsets of nausea seems to be taking the cake as the tell tale sign of when it is creeping in. At home or when I am alone, this is something that I find easier to deal with as I have the freedom to slow down and move through it however I need to. On the flip side, having this occur when I am in social settings poses a challenge as it results in myself becoming distracted and unable to be fully present. These can be difficult feelings to manage in the presence of others because either, a) I sometimes don't feel comfortable discussing how I am feeling, or b) I don't want to be a vibe kill for everyone else. 

Below are a collection of five strategies I have found useful to better manage my anxiety in this context. 

1. Feel the anxiety, go anyway.
If I let my anxiety call the shots, there would be so many fun memories I would have missed out on if I had of chosen to stay home and dwell on it rather than just get out of the house. If you allow your anxiety to be the decision maker around whether or not you show up, then I think this sends a strong message to yourself that you aren't capable of managing it, while ultimately reaffirming that your anxiety is the one in control. Although I am aware that following this mindset won't always result in the best night out ever, I still think it is worth following through with. If anything, it can simply help to improve your own relationship with your anxiety.  

2. Let people in on your anxiety. 

It is very rare for me to let people in on when I am feeling anxious, especially those who I have not spoken about it with before. I have come to learn that in not opening up and sharing with those around me how I am feeling, I am essentially isolating myself with my anxiety. This, in turn, makes me feel not only more anxious, but also quite alone with it. If you feel comfortable to do so, I encourage you to let those around you know when you are struggling. This is something I have learnt can make me feel almost instantly less anxious, as I no longer feel that I have to carry the burden that my anxiety can bring alone. Also, it can help others to understand why you may not be acting 100% yourself that day; and that is perfectly okay.  

3. Drink to a pace that suits you. 
Never one for being a big drinker, I struggle to keep up with friends on a good night out. Bring anxiety into the mix, and I'm lucky if I can get a few down without triggering a sleepless night of nausea and vomiting. Part of managing my anxiety on nights out has been centered around listening to my body and drinking to a pace that feels right for me. Alcohol can be triggering for anxiety, especially the come down that accompanies a hangover the following day. Take it slow, and don't feel pressured to keep drinking more just because your friends are doing it. 

4. Remove the pressure on yourself to match those around you. 

In my experience, living with anxiety can make letting loose and having fun a challenge at times. Being my own worst critic, I am often hard on myself for feeling like I am unable to turn up and let loose as much as my friends. I now understand and accept that because of my anxiety, I am not always going to be able to show up with the same carefree attitude that others can. This has allowed me to adopt a more gentle and nurturing attitude towards myself in social settings where I feel as if my anxiety is making it harder for me to engage and have fun. In doing this, I have learnt to accept that the act of simply showing up might be the definition of a win for me on days where I am not feeling the best.  

5. Know when to call it a night. 
I have lost count of the amount of times I have stayed out hours past when I wanted to, all because I didn't want to be 'boring' or let anyone down by leaving early. Learn to know when you need to call it a night, and feel absolutely no shame in going home. There is nothing more liberating than saying your goodbyes and leaving early on a night where you genuinely feel as if you would rather be nowhere else than the comfort of your own bed.